Newsflash

“Hello, I'm Shepard Smith for FOX News. While there has been much talk lately of the economy, the housing market, and inflation, our sources say that yet another sector has been hit with amazing rates of inflation. But this is not your ordinary economic inflation; in a surprising twist, it seems that the worth of pictures has increased beyond all precedented market values. Colin in Nebraska has the story:”

Colin: “Good evening, Shepard. That’s right, pictures have jumped to nearly 30 times their historical value. As I’m sure you well know, pictures have been, from time immemorial, worth a thousand words, neither more nor less.

Well, our sources were surfing blogs a number of days ago, and came across a blog post entitled ‘About a million words’ worth of pictures (more or less).’ Further investigation revealed that there were only 35 pictures. By the old picture standard, this would be worth 35,000 words. To value them at anything approximating a million words would require each picture to be worth, well, to be exact, it would be 28,571.4 words. Actually, those digits repeat infinitely.”

Shepard: “Wow!”

Colin: “Yes, wow! The worth of pictures has jumped by a factor of 28.5714!”

Shepard: “So what does this mean for the economy of pictures and words?”

Colin: “Well, it’s hard to say at this point, but naturally those advocating the word standard are dumbfounded and slightly peeved by this discovery. To decrease the value of words in their proportion to pictures is, to them, unacceptable. To those with digital cameras, however, this development is one to be greeted happily, and forget the troglodytes, they say.”

Shepard: “Fair enough. Well, keep us updated.”

Colin: “I will. Thank—“

Shepard: “Colin? Colin? Hmmm…the link seems to have been lost. In other news, authorities have reported an outbreak of the dread disease ANS—coincidentally, in the area from which Colin was just reporting. It stands for Acute Nerd Syndrome, and is brought about by long-term book deprivation and preparations for college, symptoms being logorrhea, sesquipedalianism, compulsively executing long division problems, irritability, etc. Most susceptible are those with a history of addiction to litteras and those with a personal or family history of CNS: Chronic Nerd Syndrome.

Oh, and look, our link is back.”

Colin: “NO!!!! YOU CAN’T TAKE ME!!!! JUST BECAUSE I ACTUALLY BOTHERED TO FIGURE OUT HOW MANY WORDS IT WAS PER PICTURE!!!! ON PAPER!!!!! WITHOUT A CALCULATOR!!!! AND I READ LES MISERABLES FOR FUN!!!!! AND I LIKED LORD OF THE RINGS!!!!! AND I WAS HOMESCHOOLED!!!!!!!”

Shepard: “It appears one of our reporters has just been taken into custody and quarantined, having shown severe symptoms of ANS.

Anyway, stay tuned. Soon our sources will have a report on a recent Army ROTC training camp, complete with pictures and funny stories.”